


Loneliness, Assauged

by Aicnerys



Series: AU shenanigans [4]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Don't copy to another site, M/M, Melkor's daddy issues, Teenage confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22367854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aicnerys/pseuds/Aicnerys
Summary: Sometimes, a chance call at a low point can lead to something nice
Relationships: Morgoth Bauglir | Melkor/Sauron | Mairon
Series: AU shenanigans [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1600951
Kudos: 16





	1. Loneliness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Melkor is Chinese in this au, so he calls his dad 'laoba', his mother 'laoma', and Manwe, his younger brother, didi.

Melkor has bad habits.

It’s not like he’s trying to ruin his chances at college or anything. He just isn’t very good at this.

‘This’ being life.

In an offhand sort of way, he looks at his brother and sees what he should have been. Manwe is what baba wanted.

High-achieving, smart, musical, filial.

Melkor’s just a fuckup.

The only classes he’s maxing are Chinese and Art History. They don’t count though since he is Chinese and art history isn’t a STEM subject. His ba isn’t a big one for the humanities, unless it’s music.

But only if you don’t want to be a musician.

Melkor loves his laoba, and he loves his laoma, and he even loves his didi, but that’s really hard to feel when he’s face down in the pillow, idly wondering how hard it’d be to suffocate himself like this.

He really hates fighting with his baba. It just makes everyone upset. Baba is upset because Melkor isn’t living up to his potential, Manwe is upset because he wants them to get along, and Melkor is upset because this is his fault for not being good enough.

He could call Mairon. One time Mairon let him stay the night after a fight like this. That was nice. Melkor wondered if that’s what couples did. He wasn’t sure. He wouldn’t mind dating Mairon or something. Probably wouldn’t happen, but it could be food for thought if Melkor was not well versed in the art of repression.

If there’s one good habit he has besides repression though, it’s getting his work done. Because he has his homework done, now he can lie in bed on a nice, gloomy Friday evening, reflect over his failures as a person, and idly debate the merits of jabbing himself in the leg with the bit-off raggedy things he calls fingernails, because Melkor has a nail-biting habit too.

On one hand, pain would let him think about something else. On the other hand, it makes Mairon sad. Melkor knows this because he told Mairon about it one time and Mairon was sad and worried for him and said he needs more help than Mairon could give.

Which is understandable, Melkor knows that he probably won’t live that long anyway. He’s accepted that he, just as a person in general, is self-destructive. Obviously, he’s going to wait for his father to pass away and his brother to be wealthy and content because Melkor is sure that Manwe is going places, and then he’s going to die.

He kind of wants to have gotten a doctorate degree before then though. He likes history and art and stuff that everyone thinks is useless. It’s like him in that people call it useless, but unlike him, it actually has use.

He won’t call Mairon. That’s just sort of weak, in the constructs of strength that he’s designed for himself. Strength is not needed nice things. Strength is accepting that he’s always going to be like this. Strength is lying here and knowing that he’ll be fine in the morning.

For his working definition of ‘fine’, that is.

But he just needs to make it out of his laoba’s house and then he can self-destruct all he wants, quietly.

Melkor really wished he wasn’t alone because he’s selfish and weak.

He wants to talk to Mairon because he can tell Mairon anything, even the bad things. With his laoba, he’s always trying so hard to make everything look fine even when it’s not. With his didi, it’s pretty much the same. Always maintaining an act.

Melkor rolls over onto his side and gives in to the desire to not be alone.

He texts Mairon.

_ “I am going to fail.” _

__ Mairon’s response is mercifully quick and does not give him time to become anxious over doing something wrong.

_ “This sounds like a conversation to have over a call, Melkor” _

Melkor is a weak, selfish person, because he tells Mairon ‘ok’.

Mairon calls and Melkor picks up.

“Hey, you feeling alright?”

“I shouldn’t have called.”

“Melkor, if I didn’t want to talk, I wouldn’t have offered.”

“I know I need to tell him about just… everything.”

“Your dad?”

“Yeah.”

Melkor can feel the mounting anxiety at the mere thought of that.

“It’s like… I know I should talk to him about it. I should. But I can’t. I’m scared he’ll be mad or something.”

“Has he been mad at you for talking to him before?”

Melkor sighs.

“No, it’s just that I don’t want to, ugh, I don’t want to disappoint him any more, y’know?”

“I understand.” Mairon says, and he means it.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Melkor says abruptly. “Do you want to hang out or something tomorrow? I’m free then.”

“Sure. Want to come over to my place and watch movies?”

Melkor does want to. He also doesn’t want to go ask his laoba if he can. But he really wants to.

“I’ll go ask my laoba.” He says.

Melkor drags himself up and goes downstairs to ask, phone in hand.

He always speaks in Mandarin with his laoba.

“Dad, can I go with a friend and watch movies?”

“Where will you be seeing them?”

“My friend’s house.”

“Okay, that’s all.”

Melkor walks back upstairs and flops back down.

“I take it your old man said yes?” Mairon asks. He was taking Chinese in school, and they’ve been in the same class for three years in a row now.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll see you Saturday?”

“Yeah, Saturday. Before or after lunch?”

“How about for lunch and then chill through the afternoon?”

“Sure, okay.”

“Alrighty then. Anything else weighing on you?”   
  


“No. I think I’ll just loaf a bit more and then sleep. Bye bye, Mairon.”

“Bye, Melkor.”


	2. Assauged

Melkor showed up at around eleven in the morning or so on Saturday, nervous. He can drive now, having finally got his license. 

He likes that he doesn’t have to bother anyone to take him places any more. It’s soothing to him.

Mairon greets him at the door.

“My parents are out spending time together, so we have the house to ourselves.” Mairon says by way of greeting. “I was just about to start lunch; anything you really want to eat?”

Melkor steps inside, taking off his shoes and leaving them by the door.

“No, whatever you cook is fine.”

Mairon wanders into the kitchen. Melkor follows

“Can I help?” Melkor asks.

“Sure. Mind starting the sauce?”

“No.”

Lunch is chicken on top of noodles. Melkor isn’t sure what kind of sauce he’s made, but it’s lemony and bitter and he likes it.

As they’re eating, Mairon seems distracted.

“Melkor, do like me? Not just like, friendly like, but as in actual like,  _ like  _ liking me?” Mairon asks.

Melkor stares, feel anxious, then proceeds to shove his foot in his mouth.

“Do you have a crush on me or something?” He asks.

“Nevermind.” Mairon says quietly.

“No, wait, no, that wasn’t what I meant.” Melkor says, tripping over himself to try and explain. “Because I could like you that way, it’s just that I’m scared of coming off as, oh, I don’t know, but I really, like, care for you. A lot, so I was just sorta scared that if I liked you that way we couldn’t be friends anymore.”

“Melkor, yes, I like you in that way.” Mairon says, hand coming to press together over his mouth. “I have let you sleep in the same bed as me, for christ’s sake. I have literally invited you over to my house, while my parents are out. This is practically a date.”

“Oh.”

Melkor stared down at his food awkwardly.

“I like you too.”

Mairon sighed in relief.

“Oh thank god.”

Melkor paused, considering.

“So are we dating now?”

“I guess? The instructions manual for dating was pretty vague.”

“There’s a manual?”

“Wait no, that media. Nevermind. Wanna watch scary movies on Netflix?”

“But scary movies are scary.” Melkor whines.

“They’re scary movies!” Mairon retorts. ‘They’re supposed to be!”

They clean off the dishes and head to Mairon’s room.

“But Mairon, I’m a coward.” Melkor complains.

“I’ll hold you.”

Melkor pauses, considering this.

“Okay.”

Mairon just shakes his head, to which Melkor shrugs.


End file.
